Kroger Sesame Teriyaki Noodle Bowl

HEY EVERYONE JOIN US ON FACEBOOK I would make a Twitter page to fit in with today's legion of Ashton Kutchers and Oprahs, but I don't think it would be very interesting. "Went to grocery store. No new ramen." "At art fair. No mention of ramen." "Did you hear the ramen reference in today's (insert Pop Culture Icon here)? supah awesome!" Yeah maybe not such a good idea.

Onto actual ramen reviews. Today: Kroger's Sesame Teriyaki Noodle Bowl.



(Yes, I forgot to take pictures of ramen doing fun things. I was hungry.)

Interesting packaging points:
List cost: $2.89. Had $1.00 off coupon, so actual cost: $1.89.
Vegan. Consequently-- low fat, high calorie. Also of note nutrition-wise, this bowl doesn't pretend to be two servings.

Then I opened it up. Look at all of this packaging.

Okay, you got the bowl. And a lid. And three packets. And noodles. And... wait, what's this?


That, my friends, is a COLLAPSIBLE FORK. I had never seen one of these before. AWESOME.

I investigated the packets.

Vegetables, sauce, and sesame seeds. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except for one thing... I'm not sure if you can tell in the picture, but look at the middle packet- it's the teriyaki one. Printed on the packet was the line "52 02 09." I'm not sure what this means, other than a significant date either in its production or shelf life being February 52, 2009. Either way, someone's lost in the space-time continuum somewhere.

Directions were simple: dump stuff together (except sesame seeds,) add two tablespoons of water, microwave for a minute, dump in sesame seeds, stir, and voilà. If you remember from last year, I once deducted points from a noodle product for needing such a specific amount of water. This time I had access to a measuring spoon, so that is not a necessary deduction.

While dumping stuff together, my mom (Hi Mom) said, "Smells like play-doh."

The cooking was easy until the end. Stirring was not cool. The noodle lump did not want to come apart, and the fork kept becoming less than a 180-degree angle. (It didn't want to stay bent. The concept proved not to be as awesome as once thought.) I stirred and stirred and noodles just broke off, leaving smaller clumps. I said, "I'm skeptical," to which my mom again replied, "Smells like play-doh."

Eventually I got it decent-looking. Somehow all two tablespoons of water absorbed, which is a weird concept to me, as the noodles were pre-cooked. IDK.

TADA

Notice how it doesn't look anything like the packaging.

Taste test time:
It tastes like really sweet teriyaki. It's bearable, but that's not an adjective that should be used to describe food. On the plus side, it's not nearly as syrupy as the other noodles I've tried with liquid flavorings. What really kills it is... well, everything else. The noodles are all in clumps, as you're all well aware I'm not a big fan of. I like thin, soft noodles. There are too many sesame seeds (and I've never figured out why they qualify as "topping" when clearly they're an "ingredient.") And the carrots are too crunchy. I find that distracting, although it may be your thing. Whatever floats your boat.

In the end I was more fascinated by resizing the photos I took than by eating it. Maybe I wasn't hungry enough. More likely, it just wasn't worth it.

Pros: Convieniently packaged, comparatively low-fat, awesome fork concept.
Cons: Clumpy noodles, mediocre taste, smells like play-doh, poor fork execution.
Grade: Eh. I wouldn't buy it again.